New and Good: Mother's Day, a bittersweet day

This is hard. I just want to put it out there at the start. Mother's Day should be happy and thankful and well-wishing to your Mom. And part of this Mother's Day is like that. But part of it really isn't.

Right now, I want to thank my Mom for being the wonderful woman that she is, for all the lessons in life that she has taught me, and how I wouldn't be the same person I am today without her in my life. Mom, You are passionate and caring and a wonderful example of how to be a great person. Mom, really. I love you and thank you for so much.

But there's another side of this day that is really hard. My partner Kim lost her Mom, Pat, this year. With that, we've both lost a bunch. Her Mom was a second Mom to me. Her Mom was a best friend to her. She was a huge hole in her heart. Every day is hard, but especially Mother's Day.

When Pat was diagnosed with cancer, Kim and her siblings moved back home to be with their Mom. Kim was able to work from PEI and maintained a full workload while spending lots of time with her Mom. It truly was a gift. I was back here at home, managing to keep the household running. There were many times when I was down and out, but we have good friends that helped me out. My Mom was always there for me, too. There were also times when I was extremely worried about whether or not I'd make it back to PEI, for one last time, to be there with the family in the end and to say my goodbye's. Every time I left PEI, I wondered if this was it. The last four months of last year were quite painful.

After one such goodbye, I started writing before the little plane even took off. I think I ordered a ginger ale, a water, and a wine all at once. I knew it was one of those days. I started writing a letter to Pat, to tell her all the things that I wanted to say, but couldn't. I wanted to be able to give this letter to Pat in person, but I opted to let Kim give it to her -- just to be sure she got it. My sister eloquently wrote that many people have a Mom but few people have a Second Mom. I am lucky enough to have had both.

This Mother's Day, I'd like to thank all the Mothers out there - my own Mom, my second Mom Pat, all my friend's Moms, my Grandmothers, my Aunts, Viola, and all the other women who had a part in making me who I am today. But especially, I'd like to send special love to Cecilia and Pat. Mom, we love you. Pat, we miss you. Every Day.

I'd like to share my letter to Pat, as a memorial to the wonderful Mother she was.

Dear Mom,

As I wrote Mom there, I realized that I don’t know that I have ever asked if it were OK to call you Mom. After all these years, I hope you haven’t minded. I have always felt so close to you, from our very first meeting. It just seemed natural to call you Mom.

I have so many things that I wanted to say to you during my last visit. I tried my best to tell you, while I was there, through all of my tears, how much you mean to me. I don’t know that I even came close to telling you, or if I can even write it. How in the world do you tell someone how very much they mean to you? How do you think of all the ways a person is special to you? All the little and big ways a person has touched your life? I don’t even know where to begin!

You know, from my very first Christmas with the family, I was welcomed with open arms; you welcomed me with open arms. It was my first Christmas away from my family, but I couldn’t imagine being apart from Kim, especially for a holiday. I was so happy the day that Kim asked me if I wanted to go to PEI with her. I was so eager to meet everyone and see the place Kim called home. WOW, that moment seems like so long ago; yet, I remember it so vividly. You, especially, made me feel welcome and a part of the family. You shared all your traditions with me and, all together, we created new ones. We have had so many wonderful times together.

Sitting in your room at home and watching all the pictures go by reminds me of all the fun times we’ve had together. I’m so thankful for all the times you guys have come to our home in NC, for all the visits we’ve made to PEI, and for all of our travels together. Whether it was exploring Charleston, SC, Wilmington, NC, or Barcelona, Spain, we always found ways to have a wonderful time together, share great meals together, and have tons of great conversations. These are memories that I will cherish forever.

But aside from all of this, I cherish getting to know a very wonderful woman - YOU. Your heart is very large and so giving. You care so much for everyone else - even to the point of sacrificing for yourself. Some people, including you I bet, may say that is a “mother’s job”. Well, I don’t believe it. You give and give and give - more than most people. Thoughts of yourself are hardly in the equation. This is why it’s so hard for you to rely on other people. You care so much about everyone else.

You told me before I left last time that you bury your heart, very deep. Rest assured that you do show your emotions and love and express your concerns and thoughts. You are very level-headed and do everything for the right reason. Your heart guides you in all that you do. I wish more people were more like you.

What I couldn’t express to you before I left was that all of the wonderful “you” qualities that I love so much are all very visible in your daughter - my love, my soul mate, my partner, my wife - Kim. Kim has your heart and your head. You have been a wonderful role model for her on how to be a strong, independent woman. A woman who can think for herself, but will open herself and her heart for other people. And Kim loves you so much. She has your sense of fairness and your openness to new and different things. And your sense of humor. She gets all of this from you!

And from your relationship with Dad, you have given us an example of how to live, how to be yourself in a relationship, yet maintain your individual-ness. You both have taught us how to communicate, how it is always better to talk about things. You’ve taught us that we don’t have to agree on everything, but to discuss our differences to understand each other better. And yes, we did learn this from you guys. You are our role models!

It is interesting and scary to wonder what this world has in store for each of us. Our destiny is set and all we can do is make the best of the deck of cards life deals us. You have left such a wonderful impression on so many people.

Even though I’m not there with you now, please know, deep in your heart, that my spirit, my smile and my positive energy are being sent to you. I’m sending it from every fiber in my being to you. When you are with Kim, she is sending all the love and positive energy from BOTH of us.

I don’t know where I am coming from or going to in this letter. I just know that large parts of you live on in the lives of every one you have touched. You have influenced us all in so many wonderful - to big to count or say - ways.

Until I see you again, enjoy life’s moments - big and small. Enjoy the spaciousness of your room, your heart and your mind. Enjoy the visits from the many friends and family that love you. Enjoy the sun on your face, enjoy the view of the labyrinth. Enjoy our laughs, your smiles, and even your cries - they all release. You deserve every happiness that anyone bestows on you.

And always remember that we all love you so much more than words or actions can ever express. You are an amazing woman. I’m so privileged to know you and call you Mom.

My love always,

tracy